How to be popular

How to be more popular.
Image by Marcos Santos

Control.

Influence.

Happiness.

These are things we all want…

And as I continue to put together some ideas for you on how to be more outgoing, I thought of a book I have here on my shelf by Robert Cialdini called Influence: The Power of Persuasion.

It’s not a book on how to be outgoing per-se, but it’s packed with tips that we can use to be more popular.

In the book he talks about what makes someone like another person. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t terribly popular when I was younger.

Actually, I don’t even think I was even noticed… but I desperately wanted to be cool and well liked. And… it’s pretty obvious that to be more popular, I needed to be liked.

Well, in his book Influence: The Power of Persuasion, Cialdini has a whole chapter about what makes people like each other. It’s fascinating, and not what I thought at all…

One of them was that giving compliments, EVEN WHEN they weren’t true, STILL WORKED to make people like you.

Cialdini says:

Unlike other types of comments, pure praise did not have to be accurate to work. Positive comments produced just as much liking for the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were true.

And if that’s not shocking enough, compliments WORK EVEN WHEN the other person knew it was obvious!

Apparently we have such an automatically positive reaction to compliments that we can fall victim to someone who uses them in an obvious attempt to win our favor.

Now, I don’t know about you, but it amazes me that even if you compliment someone on something that isn’t true, and even if they know you’re just trying to win them over, the compliments STILL makes them like you!

You know that when I talk about how to meet someone for the first time, usually because you’re interested in dating them, that I tell people to compliment the other person right away.

While it's certainly not the case in every situation, it sure is nice to have someone to confide in.

But I ALWAYS say to compliment them on something real. That you need to be genuine. That you have to mean what you say…

Apparently not.

BUT… I still think you have to at least act like you mean it? right? I hate to think we are so vain that we’ll believe anything we hear as long as it’s something nice about us.

So compliment others on something real, or act like you mean it.

Another thing Cialdini talks about in his book is that people like other people who are similar to them.

I knew, and you do too, that we tend to get along with people who have similar interests and ideas.

But it goes WAY beyond that. Studies show that we like people who have similar sounding (or the same) names, were born in the same state, dress the same, or even like the same foods!

So, if we want others to like us, we need to let them know that that we have something in common with them… ANYTHING in common with them.

Now… I wouldn’t suggest going out and throwing compliments around and desperately trying to find commonalities with someone, it will make you look too needy, and that’s unattractive.

But used in moderation, these techniques are great for being more popular and getting people to like you.

There is something that Cialdini talks about that I think we should do all the time… and that is to LIKE THE OTHER PERSON.

We like people who like us. Maybe that’s not rocket science, but I know that for me, when I’m trying to be more popular, I show the other person, and often tell the other person that I like them.

I was eating at restaurant with friends and when the waitress brought my appetizers, I said “Mmm… a nice girl with lots of food. I like you already.” I didn’t say it to try to be more popular with her, I said it because it was true.

But it had a huge impact on her, she immediately liked me. She paid extra attention to our table, gave us free food, drinks and extra mints. All because I complimented her and told her I liked her.

And look, I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but can you imagine the positive responses you’d get if you just told people you liked them after a short conversation?!?

They’ll flip! And they’ll love you.

There are a few other things in Robert Cialdini book Influence: The Power of Persuasion that will help you learn how to be more popular, and I’ll write more on that next time.

Also, I put together an entire program for you on how to be outgoing, become more confident and overcome shyness. I give you the things that worked the best for me to go from a shy, awkward, and lonely guy to become hapy, outgoing and confident. My guess is that it will work for you too. Click here for the secrets to being liked and how to be more outgoing..