How to be more outgoing – Ways you can become more extroverted

How to be extroverted and more outgoing. Image by Marcus Osterberg

One of the things that is really bothering me about the posts I’ve been doing about how to be more outgoing is that there are so many different ways people can be extroverted.

Like some of the people I know… and a lot of the people who write me… say they’re great in one situation, but feel shy in another place.

Well, I found a book that does a great job of breaking down the different aspects of extroversion. Taking a look at these will give us a bunch of different ways we can be more outgoing.

The book is Making Sense of People: Decoding the Mysteries of Personality by Samuel Barondes.

In it, Barondes says:

Many people with an average extrovert score are not average across the board. Some may be somewhat higher on warmth, gregariousness, and positive emotions than on assertiveness, activity, and excitement-seeking; others may have a different balance of tendencies.

Consider for example, these phrases that assess facets of extraversion:

• I find it easy to smile and be outgoing with strangers. (Warmth/Friendliness)
• I enjoy parties with lots of people. (Gregariousness)
• I am dominant, forceful, and assertive. (Assertiveness)
• My life is fast-paced. (Activity)
• I love the excitement of roller coasters. (Excitement-Seeking)
• I am a cheerful, high-spirited person. (Positive Emotions/Cheerfulness)

It annoys me that people assume just because someone is introverted that they also are shy, unhappy, and have low self-esteem.

As you can see from the list above, someone can be joyful, friendly, optimistic and also be a little on the shy side.

Just because someone is introverted doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them. And I, for one, am a little tired of the mass media telling everyone that everyone “wants” to be outgoing.

I know a lot of shy people who are really happy, optimistic, and cheerful. They are fine, and they enjoy life. So, if you are shy, don’t let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you. Sure, you want to discover how to be more outgoing, but you do it because it makes your quality of life BETTER.

Introverts can be outgoing too.

The 6 ways to be more outgoing

We have 6 facets that affect how outgoing someone is. And improvement in any of these areas will help us be more confident and outgoing around people.

They are:

Warmth and friendliness:
This is how much we openly show our positive feelings to other people. People who are considered friendly make friends quickly and easily form close relationships. At the other end are people who are not really cold or hostile, they simply don’t initiate conversations as often and might be seen as distant or reserved.

Gregariousness
Gregarious people enjoy the company of other people and like big crowds. They are outgoing and seek the company of others. People who aren’t considered gregarious might avoid large groups of people. They enjoy being with others sometimes, but also enjoy time for themselves.

Assertiveness
Assertive people speak out, take charge and tell others what to do. They are often leaders. People who aren’t as assertive don’t speak out as much and they will let others lead the direction of a group.

Activity level
Active people have busy, fast-paced lives. They move fast and have a lot going on at a given time. At the other end of the scale are people who have a more leisurely, relaxed lifestyle.

Excitement-seeking
Some people need high levels of stimulation or they get bored. these people like look for thrills and take risks. Others don’t like a lot of commotion or noise. And they don’t look for thrills.

Cheerfulness
Cheerful people tend to be happy, enthusiastic, and optimistic. They are more joyful as well.

There you go… these 6 areas all effect how outgoing we are, and makes it easier to see who we want to be and what areas we want to strengthen.

I’d suggest that you pick one or two, and focus on that one for a week, then go on to another one.

I just finished putting together an entire program for you on how to be more outgoing, become more confident, and overcome shyness. I give you the things that worked the best for me to go from a shy, awkward, and lonely guy to become happy, outgoing and confident. My guess is that it will work for you too. Click here for the secrets to being liked and how to be more outgoing..