Secrets to become more outgoing and mastering your emotions
When trying to meet someone of the opposite sex, it really helps if you know how to be outgoing and happy.
Before we get too far into this, I want you to know that the title of my post is actually a bit misleading.
You don’t have to be outgoing to be happy. You and I BOTH know people who are outgoing and extroverted, but we know for sure that plenty of them aren’t happy.
And I have a lot of friends who aren’t all that outgoing, keep to themselves for the most part, and they LOVE life. They do it by choice.
But, we could all be a little happier, and more outgoing. So… I did a little research into this and found a great book called You Can Choose To Be Happy: Rise Above Anxiety, Anger, and Depression by Tom G. Stevens PhD.
Stevens is heavily influenced by Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite authors. And if you haven’t read them yet, Your Erroneous Zones and Pulling Your Own Strings are both great books.
In You Can Choose To Be Happy: Rise Above Anxiety, Anger, and Depression, Tom G. Stevens says:
We can’t control our emotions the way we can flip on a light switch. However, we can develop an inner power to master our emotions. Many people believe they have little or no control over their happiness and other emotions. They are right; they don’t. Not yet! Until they learn the mental structures (values beliefs, and life skills) necessary to gain control of their happiness and emotions, they cannot control them the way many others can.
I especially like this quote. Maybe it’s because I like to be in control, and what he tells us here, and teaches… is that we can control our emotions. We just need to discover the skills necessary to do it.
It’s not like we’ve ever been taught how to control our emotions, we just sort of pick this skill up as we go through life. Or we don’t pick it up…
And it messes with our ability to be outgoing and happy.
I spent a lot of years lonely and depressed. I was really shy. I used to try to be invisible when my teachers were looking for volunteers. I didn’t even raise my hand when I knew the answer. And if I got called on when I DIDN’T know the answer, I’d get so flustered that I’d start crying.
Talk about not knowing how to be happy with yourself and not having control of your emotions. I was a mess.
But, over the years I learned to master my emotions by thinking about what I could have done, then imagining myself doing those things in real situations.
It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight, but eventually I got to the point where I could control my emotions in social situations. And that made how to be outgoing a lot easier for me as well.
I was no longer paranoid that I was going to make a fool of myself in public. I knew how to be happy everyday. I could laugh at things that used to stress me out.
At first I had to fake it sometimes, but after awhile, I got to the point where I really didn’t care. I could see the situation from a third person point of view… like I was watching it from above. Like it was a movie. Like it wasn’t even me, it was someone else on the screen.
And looking at it that way, it WAS funny a lot of times.
Just doing this allowed me to be more confident.
I would suggest trying this for yourself. For some people it’s hard to imagine or visualize. I learned to do it playing sports as a kid, and later I got really good at when I was in this astral projection phase for a few months. I don’t know how real astral projection is, so you might not want to do that. But…
Just start out by pretending that you’re watching a movie of yourself responding the way you really want to respond, eventually you will get really good at visualizing, and who you see on the screen will become who you really are.
Just the ability to do that will make a huge difference in your life and allow you to be more happy and outgoing.
Also, I made a product for you on how to be outgoing and overcome shyness. I give you the things that have worked the best for me to go from a shy, awkward, and lonely guy to become outgoing and confident. My guess is that it will work for you too. Click to overcome shyness and be more outgoing..
If you liked this article, you might like this one too.