Internet dating advice—how to maximize your dating experience online

A friend of mine, Tim, has been having a lot of success with women online, and I thought it might be nice to hear things from a different perspective every once in a while on this site. When Marlee was here with me we had a blast sharing her experiences with internet dating, and so I invited Tim to do the same for today’s post. I hope you enjoy it!

So, you decided to do it. “Lower your standards,” or so you think, and get an online dating account. Time to get rid of that attitude.

My first experience in online dating was completely unintentional. A friend in my email list sent me an invite to this “new social networking site!” called Tagged. I thought it was just like a new version of MySpace at the time, and since I had a handful of invites within a day or two, my friends must be making the switch. While waiting for other friends to join, I met a few women on the site and took them out. I had success with them, but didn’t really like the people they were, so I vowed to never do actual online dating (which is what Tagged is, they just trick you into signing up under other pretenses) and never visited the site again.

Fast forward a few years later. A very attractive female friend of mine told me she has been using Match and has met some great guys through it. And it was easy for her to convince me to give it a shot, too. If someone as cool and attractive as her was using this site, I could find plenty more in my own area.

Now, I expect this background isn’t too horribly different from many of the readers of this blog. You have been thinking about it, didn’t want to do it, but decided to give it a dive. But from what I hear from JT and from reading reviews of dating sites on the internet is that they don’t work, they’re fake, etc. Basically, you hear everything other than the truth: “I am clueless on how to meet a woman, and I need help figuring it out. I thought telling her she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen or that I have the size she needs are what she wanted to hear, but I must’ve been wrong!”

It took me a short while to get the hang of it, but afterwards, I was dating a handful of girls each week. For the first time in my life, I was able to grab the pick of the litter. I got tired of dating so many different women, so I picked one and closed my internet dating account. Technically, I really didn’t even need more than one month’s subscription to find someone to date until that relationship ran dry. Which it eventually did.

No skin off my back. I just signed back on and started looking again. I’m three weeks in, and having to back off, since I’m getting more women accepting invitations than there are free days in a week.

I’ve never been considered a “ladies man” by any stretch of the imagination. I might average one girlfriend a year if I was lucky. Mainly, it’s because I’m naturally shy, and the initial meeting is the hardest part for me. Internet dating actually gets rid of the hard part for me.

Anyway, enough about me. You want to know what I’ve done to gather dates, right? The answers are plain and simple, and each one of them is found on JT’s site. Now, I’ve learned some of these recently, and some of these are common sense. The common sense ones are things I’ve learned too many men do and don’t even realize it. So, I’ve learned quite a bit in the recent months I’ve been using online dating. To help, here’s a good internet dating checklist for you:

1.) Choose the right pictures.

2.) Write a great profile.

3.) Follow JT’s advice to rank at the top of searches.

4.) Send a great first email.

5.) Close the deal.

6.) Enjoy your date, and please, don’t do anything stupid on said date.

7.) Above all else, have fun!

These all seem very straight forward, but virtually every woman I’ve met tell me horror stories about guys that they either haven’t yet gone out with or have done something stupid on a date. If you follow this checklist, you might not find the love of your life or whatever, but if you don’t follow it, you’ll most certainly miss out if the two of you cross paths.

Let’s look at these one by one:

1.) Choose the right pictures.

JT has a lot of great suggestions, and while my picture selections aren’t exactly like his, they are close. I do, however, follow all of his “don’ts.” I would like to refer to that list as “Common Sense Tips #1.”

• Don’t show pictures of you showing off your muscles or six-pack. Women generally don’t think about what’s under the shirt first. Men do.

• Don’t show yourself with an ex, or any woman you’re hanging around. Sure, it might show you’re a ladies’ man. Some women like it, some don’t. But you also run the risk of giving off the assumption that this woman was an ex of yours. There’s a whole can of worms to be opened up based on that assumption.

• For God’s sake, do NOT show any pictures of your junk! As a matter of fact, forget mentioning this subject completely. If she’s lucky enough to find out how much of a strapping lad you are, she will know then. If you must, just think of it as spoiling the surprise. Just don’t tell anyone that’s what you’re doing. You’ll still look like an idiot.

2.) Write a great profile.

I have a great profile I wrote on my own before checking out this site. It was working, but I got greedy. I tried changing to another “suggested” profile. It worked for some people great, but not for me. What happened? Mine was less personal.

When you meet someone in person, and they ask about you, do you say “I’m smart, funny, like to go out, but like to stay in too, etc., etc., snore…” No. You actually tell them about yourself. You don’t walk up to someone and say, “hi, I’m Mark, and I’m hilarious!” Well, if you do, get help. Make sure you use spelling and grammar checks! We’ll call this “Common Sense Tips #2.”

3.) Follow JT’s advice to rank at the top of searches.

Just go to the article on this site. It’s all there.

4.) Send a great first email.

Seriously, if your first email would fail a first grade English test, you have no right asking why she never replied. You know what gets mentioned by every single woman I eventually meet? It’s the quality of the first message from some of the guys. I’m not the best looking guy, but it’s obvious when I’m meeting her that she chose me out of hundreds of prospects. Women don’t even bother if your message is something like…well, you know what? I’m going to post an example from one profile from a smoking hot woman:

“If you really are expecting a response from me, please at least make the effort to stand out in some way and seem unique. “Hey mami, wassup?” or “How are you tonight?” won’t cut it and I’ll just assume you aren’t taking this website seriously and probably didn’t read one bit of what I had to say.”

This should be “Common Sense Tip #3.”

If you’re having trouble how to open conversations, check out JT’s blogs on the subject.

5.) Close the deal.

Ok, I’m going to level with you: This is the part I’m still figuring out. Plenty of women agree to go out with me, only to disappear after that message. I’m still working on it, but here are the two important matters:

Don’t rush it. Don’t ask her for her number before she’s even replied. Although, a good test to see how sincere some women are is to send them a message if your afternoon just freed up and if she’s available, the two of you could meet up that day. I’ve tried it a few times, and the cooler women will either say yes or apologize and suggest a different date.

Don’t take too long, either. Neither of you want pen pals. You want to meet in person as soon as possible. But don’t demand it or get upset if she wants to get to know you a little better before meeting, especially if you’ve only exchanged a few messages. If you’re still exchanging after the tenth message or so, either grow a pair and ask her out; or move on, if she’s still standoffish.

6.) Enjoy your date, and please, don’t do anything stupid on said date.

Actually, I don’t consider the first meeting a date, per se. It’s more of a “first meeting” to see if an actual first date is worth doing. In other words, don’t shell out a lot of cash for this meeting. A coffee or a walk in a park would suffice. You don’t even know if you’ll really be attracted to her just yet. Keep it simple.

As for don’t do anything stupid, almost every date I’ve been on through internet dating has included a fun exchange of horror dates. I honestly don’t have many real horror dates, since I get along with so many people, but I have had some false advertising going on.

Women get it worse.

My friend, who suggested I try Match, had a date ask her on their first meeting if she likes anal. A date I was on told me a story about a guy that got pissed when she asked where he wanted to meet, and showed his insecurities by whining that she “obviously doesn’t want to be with him,” and she hung up before they decided where to go. The last girl I went out with had a guy friend her on Facebook before she replied to his first email on Match.

Guys, in short: don’t be creepy. If you don’t know what being creepy entails, seek help. I’m not even going to call this a common sense tip. It’s just something that anything smarter than a freaking rock should know.

Oh, here’s some more common sense: show up at least neatly dressed and well-groomed. Shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops are probably a bad idea. Comb your hair, and spend the date sober!

7.) Above all else, have fun!

From first contact to the end of whatever relationship you have, remember that this is all about having fun and enjoying life. The responses that I get from my first emails are usually ones that I’m snickering while writing them. I’m having fun with some of the things I’m writing, and the questions I’m asking (NOTHING sexual), and imagining what kind of reply I will get.

On the first meeting, make sure it’s laid back. Treat her like she’s someone you’ve known all your life, and don’t ask her a thousand questions that you could be learning as you’re dating her…if she gets that far. Relax, joke, and flirt. If you’re uncomfortable, she will be, too.

Good luck, my freind! Tell me how it goes in the comments…

There you have it. Long-winded, but informative. If you follow this list, you’ll have plenty of dates in no time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a follow-up call to make.