1. When she’s sent you her phone number in an email and you haven’t set a specific time to talk.
In this case, you want to break the ice with a text message and escalate to calling on the phone. Just send her a quick text so that she sees it’s you and has your number. If you have a running joke or you’ve given her a nickname, use it in that first text so she knows who it’s from. What I don’t want to do is say something like, “Hi, it’s Tim from Match. How are you today?” It’s boring and generic, and it sounds like you barely know each other.
One of the advantages of texting women is that you can assume you’re friends while being a little playful and fun. One of my favorites first texts is, “Hey Cubsy, you speak text?” Nice and simple.
Then no matter what she says, I’ll set up a time to get on the phone and talk.
2. When you call her and she doesn’t answer.
Instead of leaving a voice mail, shoot her a quick text. She’ll probably get the text before she checks her voice mail and a text is less of a commitment on your part.
Just say something like, “Thought of you today. :)” or “Were you thinking of me just now? Stop it!” Don’t ask her to call you back, it only makes you look needy and it puts the ball in her court. You want to keep control of things.
3. When you want to talk to her on the phone and want to make sure it’s a good time to call.
In this case you send a couple of playful texts back and forth, and then call her.
Now, here are a few more texting tips for men you need to follow…
1. Keep it short, playful, and flirty
The purpose of texting girls is not to get to know her. It takes way too long and it’s boring. Texting her things like, “So what are you up to?” or “It was great meeting you last night, thanks. How’s our day going?” don’t do anything to build attraction.
When you’re text messaging girls you want them to look forward to getting messages from you, so flirt, tease her, make her smile.
You want her to give her a “sneak peak” at what you’re like as a man. Give her a “movie trailer” version of your personality, sense of humor, and playfulness. A much better text is “Is it too soon for casual text? I mean we just met… I think it’s better if we wait.”
I’m sure you see how much more interesting it is for a woman to get a text like that compared the ones every other guy is sending her.
2. Increase tension and build value
What goes through your head when you’re texting a woman and she doesn’t text back for a few hours? What was going through your head while you waited for her to text back?
You probably had her in your head the whole time, wondering what she was doing and why she wasn’t texting back.
You want to do the same thing. You have to let the suspense build and create mystery around yourself. Giving her a roller coaster ride makes you seem spontaneous, unpredictable, and leaves her wondering what you’re thinking.
If you find yourself texting girls right after they text you, wait an hour or two to text them back once in awhile. Leave the conversation at a high point, when it’s really starting to get fun… and then just disappear for awhile.
This gives her a chance to miss you, to think about you, and get excited about getting your next message. This is one of the best texting tips for guys… make them wait and let the tension build!
3. Don’t send too many texts
Yes, she’s probably the only thing on your mind, but we’ll keep that between us. If you let her know that, you’re going to scare her off. So, text once and wait until you get an answer before you respond.
If she doesn’t send anything back to you, wait a day or 2 before you contact her again. Also, don’t text her back right away even when you want to keep the conversation going. Wait a few minutes before answering. You don’t want her to think that all you have going on is waiting for her to text you.
Texting girls you like
Remember the reason you’re texting girls is just to show a bit of your personality and to see if the girl meets your standards. You want to flirt, build a connection, and make her think about you. The idea is to make her feel like she’s missing out on something by not being with you.
For example you can text her:
“My puppy just chewed the leg off the couch!” or “I just raided Goodwill and got the coolest purple lounge lizard shirt for $3.”
There’s more text messaging tips for men than what I covered here, and I recommend checking out this interview with Matt Artisan, the author of The Ultimate Guide to Texting… which really IS the ultimate texting guide for men. And hey, Matt was also the winner of the “Best Phone, text, and Online Game” award at the 2010 Pickup Artist’s World Summit. He knows his stuff. There are dozens texts you can use right out of the box, plus Matt gives his best kept secrets and texting tips for guys.
(UPDATE: I did another article on texting girls in different situations since I wrote this post. You can read it here.)