What to be Prepared for When Online Dating
My Expectations of Online Dating
I’ll admit, just like everyone else that first enters the curious world of online love, I was probably a little unrealistic about what I would encounter. My mind filled with the crazy idea of waking up to find my email inbox full of messages from dashing young men all throughout the country.
The Fantasy…
Lights, Camera, Action: My oh my, how difficult it is to choose among such fine suitors! This one has a Master’s in architecture and travels the world building schools for underprivileged children. This one owns a winery in northern California, and this one is an outdoor adventure guide that volunteers at his local animal shelter. And all with healthy heads of hair and beautiful smiles, who would’ve thought I’d be so lucky! Well, best not keep them waiting. Oh, and what’s this? Another email? A chef with a love of zombie movies and bbq? I think I’ll be writing him back first…
End Scene.
The Reality…
Yeah, that’s not really how it happens.
That outdoor adventure guide probably doesn’t have the internet on Everest, and the architect with a soft spot for third world countries is probably already in a happy relationship. Or he’s gay. So needless to say, my fantastical mental image of my future online dating experience was already slightly skewed. So here’s what I did learn to expect:
Everyone is looking for something different. Just because I don’t mind finding someone who occasionally swears like a sailor and doesn’t mind having a drink every now and then doesn’t mean that everyone is looking for that.
Some of us girls are looking for a party buddy, some are looking for someone to just hold hands with, some are looking for a friend and even others are just looking for someone to bring to their high school reunion and never see again.
Liars. I already said on a previous post that you just shouldn’t do it, but the fact is people lie in their online dating profiles and in person. I’m learning that everything on a person’s profile should be taken with a grain of salt, since it’s probably not entirely true. I’m not saying I don’t trust anyone, but I also want to make sure I’m not setting myself up for disappointment. Because it’s not a comfortable situation when the guy waiting for me at the coffee shop is 5 years older and 20 pounds heavier than the pictures of him in his profile.
Rejection. There will be times when you get rejected. It’s difficult to try not to think of online dating just like the real world, but in some ways they’re very similar, and rejection is one of them. However, just realize it’s a fact of life, and remember to start off slow. Just because they’re not talking to you face to face doesn’t mean you can lay out your life story before getting to know their last name.
Disappointment. Don’t weigh too heavily on the people you do meet. I’ve quickly learned that even if you think you’ve found your soul mate, there is a reason they are still single. It can definitely be frustrating when the person you were originally attracted to begins letting little secrets out.
Maybe that architect to builds schools for underprivileged kids really only travels because he he’s wanted for 12 counts of credit card fraud in the States. Maybe that chef has a competitive streak so strong he’s been arrested for assaulting coworkers. And maybe that guy who owns a winery turns out to be an alcoholic. Either way, just make sure you do your research before committing to anything ahead of time. And pay attention to what seem like the SMALLEST red flags, they’re probably BIG flags.
Excitement. Even though everything I’ve mentioned up to this point are all reasons to avoid online dating, there are some pretty amazing benefits to internet dating.
It’s exciting to know that when I come back home from the gym I might have a new email. Logging on presents a whole new meaning to the term “4 New Messages”. Each update on my phone makes my heart race a little. Each little inquiry about who I am makes me more interested in the person that asked.
Plus, it’s so secret. Flirting online is entirely different than flirting in person. You get to think about what you want to say, word it exactly how you want to, and then sit and wait for their response.
So my tip? Keep trying. There are some good people out there, you just have to be prepared to weed through the douchebags and jackasses to reach them. So pretty much, the same as real life.
