She didn’t reply to your first online dating email. Now what?!?

I’ve been getting some questions about what to do when you don’t get a response to your first email so I wanted to address that here in the blog.

And guys, I’m assuming your first online dating email is decent… that you’re following the guidelines in these posts, and not some copy and paste message or an email asking if she wants to meet you and your 8″ Johnson later that night.

Join the club
First of all, if a woman doesn’t respond to your first online dating email understand that you are in the same category as 97.5% of the men out there who send first emails. So, if it’s any consolation, it’s “normal” not to get a response to your first message.

It’s (probably) not you
Second, don’t take it personally. There could be a million reasons why she didn’t respond to your message. Among them that you totally turn her off, but that is actually unlikely.

It’s more likely that she was busy, there was someone else she was more interested in, she wanted to take some time to think about what to respond to you, her cat just died, she went out of town, she only had 5 minutes online and wanted to check if her favorite guy had responded to her…

There are a million reasons a woman might not respond to your message, and most of them have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Take it in stride
Third, don’t get all pissy and bent out of shape about it. And for sure don’t send her a second message and say anything negative. That means you don’t send an email and give her shit for not responding. All that’s gonna do is validate her decision not to respond to you in the first place.

Along those same lines, don’t send a second online dating email and tell her what a great guy you are and how she missed out on your incredible company and how great the two of you would have been together.

That just makes you sound pitiful and isn’t attractive in the least.

Now, that’s not to say that you never want to send a follow-up message even when you haven’t received a reply from a first email…

I think there are times when it makes sense to email her a second online dating email. and that time is EVERY time.

Yep, you should send a second, and possibly a third, online dating message to every single girl you sent a first message to. Most highly desirable women (and that includes even unattractive women online) won’t seriously consider a guy who gives up after only one try unless that guy really hits her attraction triggers on first contact.

That’s not the case for me or for 90% of the guys out there. So, we have to craft a follow up message to let her know we are serious about her.

Maybe only one of 9 or 10 women will respond to that second message, but that means contact with 10-11% more women in your life, and that ain’t bad.

The secret to writing the second message when a girl hasn’t responded to your first message is to write it so you don’t lose too much face.

As you know, the person who invests the most in the relationship is considered “weaker” and gives control to the other person. When you write her twice when she hasn’t even written you, it’s impossible to pretend that you’re less invested than she is, you are giving your power away. there’s no way around it.

So, you just come out and say it, then you explain that you go for what you want and mention something in her profile that you like, tell her to look at your profile again and write you back.

Then, like it or not, you forget about her.

It’s not going to do you any good to think about this girl anymore. she’s either going to write back or she isn’t. and not amount of obsessing over her is going to change what she does, so move on to other women and other things.

If she writes you back, great!!! if not, it’s all good, at least you tried.

I’m working on a template that you can use for the second email when she hasn’t responded to your first online dating email for my next product on sending online dating emails… but, it’s going to take awhile to test them out. If you’re interested in helping me test them out, contact me.

And if you want more on writing online dating emails, you can check out my other posts here.
Talk later—JT